The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
