she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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