After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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