I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
