Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
