i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
