Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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