Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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