note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
