he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
