she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
