Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
