She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
