i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
