i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
