I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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