she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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