He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
