you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize