yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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