I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
