Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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