hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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