im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
