KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
