tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
