Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
