Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
