I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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