He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
