Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
