well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
