he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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