Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
