my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
