Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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