quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
