I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
vagina is talking i cant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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