Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
