This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
