I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
