cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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