I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
