I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
did i just pee glitter
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
