Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
