Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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