No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize