i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
