Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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