Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's always time for handjobs
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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