I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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