I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
