That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
