just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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