I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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