Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize