Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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