Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize