We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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