I just cut my nipple shaving
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
