i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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