so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
