So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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