thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize