I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
