when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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