If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
