I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
jump out the window naked night went bad
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
