Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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