Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
