your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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